Friday, November 12, 2010
What have you considered.....
After seeing "For Colored Girls", I started thinking, what do people really consider when the chips are down, they are disappointed, disgusted, disenchanted or downright depressed. We all have issues, baggage, situations, and challenges that we deal with. They can be simple or complex. They can be easy to solve or downright near impossible. They can make us want to buckle, bend or collapse under the pressure or at times they might make us consider giving up....At some point when we are "considering" what to do, we should stop and pray. This will stop any immediate emotional or physical decisions or outbursts. Yes, I said physical, (I'm keeping it real....) When we stop and pray it allows God to intervene in the situation and will help us make a Godly decision. Next, we need to adopt a mantra that will get us through. Do you have a mantra that will get you through a situation. Do you have a phrase, a Proverb, a saying; something that your Grandmother or Mother told you, that you can repeat in your head to "snap" you out of what you were considering....Prayer coupled with positive thinking/positive phrases can help pull us through. I strongly believe in mind over matter (I started to adopt this 12 years ago--when I delivered a 9.6 pound son with no drugs.) Positive self talk and positive internal or external messages are essential. You are what you think. Even if your situation doesn't appear positive and you don't like what is happening, you can have a positive outlook on it. Look deep within. Know there is a reason for everything and a lesson to be learned. There is always victory after a battle. You have to fight to win. Let me encourage you, keep fighting--victory is ahead. Most importantly, tell yourself that giving up is NOT an option.
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I know Marcia hasn't posted here in awhile, but maybe this will inspire the "inspired" girlfriend to reconnect (and expand the blog). I really need to vent... and I would rather do it with a small group, than a large one (like FB or TWR).
ReplyDeleteYou know me... I am the unhappily married, happy entrepreneur. And I am here to tell you that the devil is busy and active. As an entrepreneur, the happiest time in life is when your business experiences success - small or large. And I already know that there will be "haters" when you have success. But what does a girl do when she "sleeps with the hater"? Yeah I know, this is harsh and open. But I'm a talker... that's how I deal. I've had a few friends tell me to put this into a book. (I'm sure there are books already on the topic.) I don't want a book (at least not this book), I just want a happy marriage. Okay, sure there is some bad history. What marriage hasn't had a bump (or three) in the road? But I thought we were making progress in the right direction. Well, that was until my business (and I) started to gain ground and finally look viable. Huh??? Isn't that supposed to make things better? Shouldn't that reduce the (bad) stress? Could it just be bad timing, and have nothing at all to do with my business? SMH!!!
HELP!!! There is so much tension here, you can cut it with a knife. And now I can't even get my husband to respond to simple questions and small talk. On top of that, when we do talk we disagree on so much. It hurts most when we disagree on our children and how to raise them.
So our Inspired Girlfriend asks "What have you considered..." Answer: MUCH. Have I prayed? Answer: YES. Have I asked him to talk about it? Answer (from him): YES... but he says now is not the right time (there never seems to be a right time). SMH. So we talk about the children, household bills and sometimes our health. But that's it! I don't know that I write this for a response. But I do write it for therapy (and post it maybe to get some intercessory prayer).
I'm going to end now, but writing is therapeutic. THANKS Inspired Girlfriend for giving me/us this forum.
Dear Anonymous--I am moved on many levels by your post. First, thank you for your courage and trusting this forum. Second, thank you for reminding me to get back to the inspiration. Now, lets get down to business....Being unhappily married is draining and sometimes toxic. All I can say is, take the time to really evaluate yourself, him and the situation and make some decisions on how you want to live your life now, in 1 year and in 5 years....What image of marriage do you want your children to see, if you have children. Everyone should feel unconditional love and support from their significant other. Everyone should feel safe. You may not always agree but you should never feel unsafe or not loved. Sadly, there are many women sleeping with their haters. The thing is, what do you do, when you know? With knowledge there is power...And you have the power. When you know better, you do better. The tension you feel---that has been built over time and for a variety of unspoken and spoken reasons. I would suggest a professional intervention. If he agrees great, if he doesn't, You go alone. That in itself will empower you to begin to look at things through different eyes. If the communication revolves around the children (if you have them) and around what time you or he will be home and that's it...then that's another reason for an intervention. I suggest you get a journal and write...write...write...I'm big on journaling and have found alot of healing through the words I expressed on paper. I also suggest finding a good therapist. Prayer is essential. Finding time to speak to God will open your ears and eyes to see the necessary things you need to see. One book I found extrememly helpful in a very trying time was "Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On" by Stormie Omartian. It provided clarity and revelation that was necessary for the situation I was going through at the time. I would also encourage you to continue to cultivate your interests and activities. This is also important to find a true identity outside of the role of wife, mother and entrepreneur. As I close this post, I will be interceeding on your behalf, that God will step into your situation and that his will be done. I will be praying that he give you peace and comfort, that He fill the void that is in your heart from the distance that is caused between you and your spouse. I pray that deliverance and healing come into your life and that a breakthrough comes soon. Be inspired to keep pressing forward and know that victory is ahead.
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